Friday, January 28, 2022
I meet bi-weekly with a group of college friends, of more than 50 years, via Zoom calls to discuss various topics. These topics range from society, technology, economics, ecological, ethics, ideas, policy, and political trends. Recently, we discussed the concept of Karma (the life cycle of birth-rebirth). Karmic theory is based on reincarnation, which is a central tenet of the Hindu, Buddhist, and Jain religions.
After our discussion on Karma, I wrote to our group:
If your curiosity was aroused about Buddha’s life and his teachings, I would like to share this 2010 PBS documentary film THE BUDDHA. There are many films on Buddha but I like this one for its simplicity in explaining Buddha’s teachings.
Over the years, I have watched it many times and it has always inspired me with new insights. It runs for 2 hours and 40 min. Please watch in quietude.
This documentary was directed by David Grubin and narrated by Richard Gere. It follows the story of Gautama Buddha’s life and discusses the history and teachings of Buddhism. The film was nominated for the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing for a Nonfiction Program.
After watching The Buddha, one of my friends commented: “Truly an excellent rendering that I watched uninterrupted in one sitting. I have a couple of questions.”
- “Does one have to practice chastity and forsake family life to be a true Buddhist?”
- Siddhartha left a wife and newborn child to search for an answer to end suffering. “What about the suffering he inflicted on his wife and young child?”
MY REPLY ON SATURDAY, JANUARY 29, 2022 10:33 PM
These are interesting and perceptive questions.
In regard to the first question, “Does one have to practice chastity and forsake family life to be a true Buddhist?”
I will answer not from the Buddhist point of view but from my own beliefs and experiences.
With Sumi’s progressive cognitive decline due to her Alzheimer’s disease, I have been told by a few close, well-meaning friends (directly or obliquely) that I have a few good years in front of me and I am wasting them by not putting Sumi in an outside care facility, like a nursing home, so I can pursue other interests. The underlying inference is that I should abandon my current Sansarik Karma (worldly duties) and seek a new path (meaning new activities, new relationships). Here, Karma is meant as an act of doing or performing your duties and not the Karma associated with the life cycle of birth- rebirth.
By devoting this stage of my life to taking care of Sumi, it allows me to continue my sansarik or bhautik (earthly) life at home.
Even with her steadily declining cognition, there are elements of reciprocity in our affection for each other. I smile with her, hug her, and kiss her on the forehead and the cheeks (even in the presence of her caregivers and other visitors). This affection is more on the spiritual level. From the receiver’s (Sumi’s) viewpoint, she experiences compassion and realizes that she is loved and cared for by all, including her caregivers. That has a calming effect on her. Her calmness creates peace in my mind, creating an upward positivity in the caregiver (me) and the care receiver (Sumi). This at-peace, sansarik relationship provides me a chance to contemplate, reflect, do self-analysis, and have an opportunity to grow and become adhyatmik (spiritual).
I consider myself very fortunate to have lived in two countries with two unique cultures (Eastern and Western). For my first 23 years, I was in India, and the last 51 years in the US. This has allowed me to adopt the best from each culture. India taught me its belief system, philosophy, ethical values, its cuisine, and its art in the form of dance, music, and movies. Living in the US, the Yankee Ingenuity has taught me an attitude of inventive improvisation to overcome adversity, a pragmatic approach to problem-solving, and honed the faculties of my left brain, such as logic, verbal, analytical, and linear thinking. Western culture also taught me, most importantly, authenticity, the can-do attitude, and self-reliance.
Having spent a lifetime career in the automotive industry, what comes to mind is the slogan for the Japanese car brand, Lexus, “the relentless pursuit of perfection.” To me, to aim for perfection is divine. It is akin to what Buddha sought— to become a perfect human being and break the life cycle of birth-rebirth by achieving Nirvana. Thus, it is natural for a Japanese company to pursue a perfection reflecting the influence of their Buddhist culture. Just like Lexus caters to a select few of the upper-economic strata, the idea of self- actualization and upper hierarchical needs defined by Maslow applies to a few select people.
I, though, am more in tune with Nike’s slogan, “just do it.” While taking care of Sumi, I have to constantly improvise my approaches and methods to ensure her safety and well-being. I am not aiming for perfection—I just do what needs doing. I keep what works and discard what doesn’t. I am more like Nike at heart. My goal is not to achieve self-actualization but satisfy the love, belongingness, and esteem needs defined by Maslow. Nike caters to everyone, from accomplished athletes to ordinary people.
In short, I live in sansar and do what I must. It boils down to, sansar hi saar hai (sansar is the real essence of all things).
To become spiritual, one does not have to forsake family life (sansar). By performing one’s sansarik duties, one can achieve what Buddha set out to do. Though, in Buddha’s case, he abandoned his wife and children to have his own salvation.
Objectively speaking, Buddha’s act was self-seeking. By abandoning his wife and newborn child, he showed a lack of compassion. Once he reached enlightenment, we don’t know if he felt sorry for his actions. The irony is, he preached compassion for mankind as the central message of his life-long teachings but consciously decided to not practice with his own family.
Or, one can say, in Buddha’s mind, abandoning his sansarik duties of taking care of his wife and child was an act of, “the end justifying the means,” as his higher goal was showing the path to the salvation of mankind. Or another option is the guilt of forsaking his family may have heavily weighed on Buddha. This could have inspired him to seek the real meaning of sansarik bondages and thus a higher goal in life.
The above two paragraphs are an indirect answer to your second question, “What about the suffering he inflicted on his wife and young child?”